Post by whoneedsusernames on May 16, 2014 16:02:19 GMT
Sickle Cell Disease: A genetic blood disorder that shortens average life expentancy to 42 in men and 48 in women. You know, with a name like Sickle Cell, I used to think it was cool mutant power that lets you use your blood to cut people. Sadly, all it's good for is the dying.
Heavy Metal Poisoning: Heavy Metal Poisoning is a buildup of toxic heavy metals in soft tissues of the body. Unlike a loud rock concert, this type of metal will bring you more than just temporary hearing loss.
Kanner's Autism: Kanner's Autism is a devolpment disorder that usually starts before the age of three. It's caracteristics are a decrease in social and communicative functions. Kind of like talking to me in the morning.
Heat Exhaustion: Heat Exhaustion is the new hotness. Gosse-pimples while in hot temperature, nausea and a propensity to say moronic phrases like 'the new hotness' are all potential symptoms.
Suicidal Tendencies: Hamlet, Hamlet, don't give a gosh darn or a damnlet. Which is why he's pricing out to a pill overdose and a plastic bag. Generaly I would try to prevent suicidal people from going through with it. But with all this talk about overpopulation...
Mercury Poisoning: Mercury Poisoning occurs when the victim is exposed to high doses of the chemical. It's toxicity damages the brain, kidney and stomach, resulting in several diseases. Speaking of stomach, I'm getting hungry. Who wants sushi?
Adrenoleukodystrophy: Is a series of disorders that distrupts the metabolizing of certain fats. This can lead to hearing loss, a vegetative coma and the dreaded 'Fat Ass'.
Tetanus: Tetanus is caused by a neurotoxin emitted by the bacterium Clostridium tetani. Doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy knowing there are neurotoxin-producing bacteria out there?
Toxema: Sometimes known as Bactremia, Toxemia is the presence of bacteria in the blood. This is bad, because said bacteria hijacks your blood stream to cause mini-infections at other parts of the body distract doctors from treating the original source of the infection. But the plus side is a cool mental image of bacteria surfing in a red blood cell.
Epilepsy: Epileptic seizures are cause by a brain disorder in the temporal lobe. There are many types of seizures: absence seizure, partial seizure, and the like, but my favorites are the ones that occur in lettuce patches. Those are called a seizure salad.
Lavamisole Poisoning: Side effects that occur from taking lavamisole include lip-licking, head shaking, salivation, tremors, excitement and an increased frequency of urination and defecation. Sounds like my last date.
Aortic Stenosis: The aorta is the heart's main artery for expelling blood. When entry to this artery is blocked or does not open fully, bad things can happen. Not just 'stroke' bad, I mean 'pants legs stuck in an escalator' bad.
Graves Disease: An immune system disorder that prompts an overproducing of thyroid hormones, which can cause bulging yes; thick, red skin; and rapid heart beat. Ironically, Graves is rarely fatal, making it possibly the worst-named disease ever, next to the fatal Thisdiseasewillnotkillyou Syndrome.
Chemical Imbalance: Where unusual behavior is observed, the absence of a cause suggests chemical imbalance. And by that I mean: Some people are just plain nuts.
Prostate Cancer: It's cancer! And it's up in your butt! And it affects your erections! Need I say anything more?
Depression: Clinical Depression affects your mood, stress levels, and ability to cope with day-to-day life. While Depression itself is treatable, it's causes, such as spam bots are not.
Trismus: Trismus is the inability to open your mouth. There are numerous causes, but unfortunaly, none of them can be slipped into my math teacher's morning coffee.
Hyperglycemia: Too much blood sugar can be just as deadly to diabetics as not enough, causing such fun symptoms as blurred vision, come and stupor. Kind of makes me reconsider that extra donut in the morning.
Bipolar Disorder: Bipolar Disorder is characterized by a series of mood swings bouncing between maniac, depressive. Usually caused by genetics, mania and depression can unfortunately be tied to online community.
Hypercalcecmia: Hypercalcemia occurs when there's too much calcium in the blood. This primarily affects women over 50, though young children, who drink gallons of milk to get indestructable bones like their favorite superhero, instead suffer memory loss and bone cysts.
Carbon Monoxide Poisoning: CO is a favorite of car enthusiasts and suicide attempters everywhere. Inhaling too much can cause coma, then death due to lack of oxygen.
Schizophrnia: Schizophrnia manifests as auditory hallucinations, disorganized thinking and bizzare delusions. Or at least that's what the leprechaun told me.
Marrow Transplant Rejection: Organ transplant can be a tricky thing. The body's own immune system, thinking the marrow is a mallicious entity will attack and destroy that marrow, dooming the recepient. This is the only thing stopping me from stealing your lovely, lovely eyes.
Paranoia is like having always the sensation that somebody's following you. That somebody wants to attack or do something horrible to you and thus the maniacal need to protect yourself. Kinda what happens between you and that pack of chips you just bought. Yes. I can see them in your hand. I can see you eating them. I can feel them. THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
Lupus: If you do not know what the disease everyone with a nose bleed is diagnosed with I feel sorry for you, the ones who raised you, and the world in general.
Heart Rhythm Disorder: When the eletrical signals that trigger each beat of your heart become erratic, it is classified as Heart Rhythm Disorder. When the eletrical signals that allow me to get free cable become erractic, so too, does my calm demenor.
Heavy Metal Poisoning: Heavy Metal Poisoning is a buildup of toxic heavy metals in soft tissues of the body. Unlike a loud rock concert, this type of metal will bring you more than just temporary hearing loss.
Kanner's Autism: Kanner's Autism is a devolpment disorder that usually starts before the age of three. It's caracteristics are a decrease in social and communicative functions. Kind of like talking to me in the morning.
Heat Exhaustion: Heat Exhaustion is the new hotness. Gosse-pimples while in hot temperature, nausea and a propensity to say moronic phrases like 'the new hotness' are all potential symptoms.
Suicidal Tendencies: Hamlet, Hamlet, don't give a gosh darn or a damnlet. Which is why he's pricing out to a pill overdose and a plastic bag. Generaly I would try to prevent suicidal people from going through with it. But with all this talk about overpopulation...
Mercury Poisoning: Mercury Poisoning occurs when the victim is exposed to high doses of the chemical. It's toxicity damages the brain, kidney and stomach, resulting in several diseases. Speaking of stomach, I'm getting hungry. Who wants sushi?
Adrenoleukodystrophy: Is a series of disorders that distrupts the metabolizing of certain fats. This can lead to hearing loss, a vegetative coma and the dreaded 'Fat Ass'.
Tetanus: Tetanus is caused by a neurotoxin emitted by the bacterium Clostridium tetani. Doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy knowing there are neurotoxin-producing bacteria out there?
Toxema: Sometimes known as Bactremia, Toxemia is the presence of bacteria in the blood. This is bad, because said bacteria hijacks your blood stream to cause mini-infections at other parts of the body distract doctors from treating the original source of the infection. But the plus side is a cool mental image of bacteria surfing in a red blood cell.
Epilepsy: Epileptic seizures are cause by a brain disorder in the temporal lobe. There are many types of seizures: absence seizure, partial seizure, and the like, but my favorites are the ones that occur in lettuce patches. Those are called a seizure salad.
Lavamisole Poisoning: Side effects that occur from taking lavamisole include lip-licking, head shaking, salivation, tremors, excitement and an increased frequency of urination and defecation. Sounds like my last date.
Aortic Stenosis: The aorta is the heart's main artery for expelling blood. When entry to this artery is blocked or does not open fully, bad things can happen. Not just 'stroke' bad, I mean 'pants legs stuck in an escalator' bad.
Graves Disease: An immune system disorder that prompts an overproducing of thyroid hormones, which can cause bulging yes; thick, red skin; and rapid heart beat. Ironically, Graves is rarely fatal, making it possibly the worst-named disease ever, next to the fatal Thisdiseasewillnotkillyou Syndrome.
Chemical Imbalance: Where unusual behavior is observed, the absence of a cause suggests chemical imbalance. And by that I mean: Some people are just plain nuts.
Prostate Cancer: It's cancer! And it's up in your butt! And it affects your erections! Need I say anything more?
Depression: Clinical Depression affects your mood, stress levels, and ability to cope with day-to-day life. While Depression itself is treatable, it's causes, such as spam bots are not.
Trismus: Trismus is the inability to open your mouth. There are numerous causes, but unfortunaly, none of them can be slipped into my math teacher's morning coffee.
Hyperglycemia: Too much blood sugar can be just as deadly to diabetics as not enough, causing such fun symptoms as blurred vision, come and stupor. Kind of makes me reconsider that extra donut in the morning.
Bipolar Disorder: Bipolar Disorder is characterized by a series of mood swings bouncing between maniac, depressive. Usually caused by genetics, mania and depression can unfortunately be tied to online community.
Hypercalcecmia: Hypercalcemia occurs when there's too much calcium in the blood. This primarily affects women over 50, though young children, who drink gallons of milk to get indestructable bones like their favorite superhero, instead suffer memory loss and bone cysts.
Carbon Monoxide Poisoning: CO is a favorite of car enthusiasts and suicide attempters everywhere. Inhaling too much can cause coma, then death due to lack of oxygen.
Schizophrnia: Schizophrnia manifests as auditory hallucinations, disorganized thinking and bizzare delusions. Or at least that's what the leprechaun told me.
Marrow Transplant Rejection: Organ transplant can be a tricky thing. The body's own immune system, thinking the marrow is a mallicious entity will attack and destroy that marrow, dooming the recepient. This is the only thing stopping me from stealing your lovely, lovely eyes.
Paranoia is like having always the sensation that somebody's following you. That somebody wants to attack or do something horrible to you and thus the maniacal need to protect yourself. Kinda what happens between you and that pack of chips you just bought. Yes. I can see them in your hand. I can see you eating them. I can feel them. THERE'S NO ESCAPE.
Lupus: If you do not know what the disease everyone with a nose bleed is diagnosed with I feel sorry for you, the ones who raised you, and the world in general.
Heart Rhythm Disorder: When the eletrical signals that trigger each beat of your heart become erratic, it is classified as Heart Rhythm Disorder. When the eletrical signals that allow me to get free cable become erractic, so too, does my calm demenor.
